When Shall I Grasp My Bliss?

It’s hard to understand how I feel divided with no true feeling of love. All that remains are the spontaneous jolts of physical and psychological adrenaline triggered by close ones, or not.
One day I shall choose the path that will feel true. Until then I am in the dark, writing about it and feeding my brain information that may or may not be useful towards my decision...
However, I may never fulfill my "fate", if you want to call it that.
I hope not to end in death.